Monday, 15 September 2014

Withdrawal part 2

Still fiddling with my psych meds.  I've tried dropping Seroquel to 75 mg from 100 mg a few times now but my anxiety, irritability, panic were too bad.  My dad is ill and quite disabled and I'm trying to help my mom care for him and it's getting very stressful. I've decided I'm going to increase my clonazepam to 0.5mg 3x a day, which is double what I'm on now, but still half of what I was on. I kinda hate to do that because I've been working so dam hard to wean myself off this stuff, but I'm just too stressed.  I will drop it again and eventually go off it entirely when things calm down a bit. 
Then, with the boosted clonazepam, I plan to drop the seroquel to 50 mg, 25 at noon, 25 mg at night, and see if my nerves are ok that way. Then I will try no seroquel, just clonazepam.  If I find I still need a mood stabilizer,  I am going to talk to my Dr. about switching over to topimax. It's an anti-seizure drug that also acts as a mood stabilizer, and unlike Seroquel, most people lose weight while on it, not pack on 35 lbs like most people do on seroquel. I'm eating sugar non stop on this drug, as if I wasn't bad enough to begin with.
So, I'm going to play around a bit and hope I don't totally fuck myself up. Wish me luck and please let me know if you have any experience with topimax. Thanks.

Monday, 28 July 2014

Psychiatric drug withdrawal

as I get older, more things grate on my nerves, I don't know why. I feel like becoming a hermit.

Some of it may have to do with me and my Dr. weaning me off all these stupid psych. drugs I've been on, clonazepam for 5 years, seroquel for 3?  These drugs actually change your brain and how it works, and when you come off them you get rebound symptoms of why they put you on them in the first place but 5x worse.  That's why I can only drop 1/4 tablet (0.25 mg) a month of the clonazepam.  I started at 3 mg, and am now down to 0.75 mg, so that's good but I do get a lot of rebound anxiety. The other drug (quetiapine/seroquel) for mood swings/agitation/racing thoughts, I have reduced from 300 mg at the start of March to 100 mg.  Unfortunately, it's going off the last bits of these drugs that causes the worse withdrawal symptoms.  I don't care, I just want off them.  But it is making me kind of crazy : (

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

My supplements

These are to try to give me more energy and make up for deficiencies, keep free radicals in check by being antioxidants, keep my insides moving, and make up for poor eating habits. I'd love to hear if there is anything you take that you find helpful.

Probiotic 30 billion cells x1/day
Magnesium Oxide 400 mg x2/day
B12 1000mcg x2/day
Vit D 1000 IU x 3/day
Greens + Multi 1 scoop daily (excellent source of vit A)
Bodylogix Woman's Protien/Fibre powder 1 scoop/daily (helps me meet my protien/fibre goals)
Vit B50 x1/day
Vit C 500 mg 4-2x/day
Coenzyme Q 200 mg x1/day
Zinc 25 mg x1/day
Sea-Sel-200 Trace Mineral x1/day (mostly selenium)
Ecological Formulas Tri-salts (keep pH balanced and is an anti-drug) 1/2 tsp x2/day
Ultra Fibre 3 tabs/daily
Ca/Vit D chews x2/day (600mg Ca/400IU)
FeraMAX 150 Iron tab x1/week
Potassium Chloride/Gluconate 1/2 tsp (1200mg) daily
Krill Oil 1gram x1/day
Cranberry concentrate 1x/day (prevent bladder infections to which I'm prone)
Manganese 50 mcg (for prescription drug detoxification)
Psyllium (for bowels) 1 tbsp daily
Vita-Vim multi vitamin

This is just what has been suggested to me by various doctors, do not take anything without a doctor's or nutritionists advice. I do not endorse or promote any particular named brands.

Monday, 10 June 2013

Being Sick Sucks Pt. 2

When I feel well vs when I feel sick - two totally opposite polarities in my life. When I feel well, I wake up in the morning feeling bright and raring to go, can't wait to start my day, get at those chores, get outside, call people, participate in life. I can get up, take a shower, wash my dishes, pop in a wash of clothes and go for a nice walk, and feel like a 'normal person', a part of the human world, society. I'm energetic, happy, friendly,bubbling over with the joy of living. I'm interested in everything,I want to do everything, go everywhere, see everyone, just experience life to its fullest.

Unfortunately, this all leads to a lot of running around, staying out too late, doing too much, and then, Wham, the CFS catches up to me. Then I become very weak,extremely fatigued. It becomes a chore to even roll out of bed, by body feeling weighted, achy and sore, my mind cloudy, confused,dim. I sleep for 20 hours at a time, taking all my energy to haul my self to the washroom and back.
Some days I'm able to sit up and read a few hours before collapsing back into oblivion for another 20 hours, other days, I sleep round the clock, like being in a coma, barely conscious of anything around me. I can barely talk, it's hard to get the words out of my mouth, my brain just won't construct a proper sentence and it takes too much energy to move my mouth. Eating falls by the wayside, as do, of course any chores. Dishes pile up, laundry doesn't get done, dust and dirt collect, I run out of milk, egg, bread, juice.

The ferrets get bored and frustrated and wonder where their mother is. This can go on for quite some time, the longest being 3 weeks. Sometimes it's only a day or two. Depending
on my stamina I can be up and going well a day or two, down a day or two, or go quite well for several weeks and be down several weeks. It fluctuates like mad.. When I'm down and out, my whole world shrinks. It becomes just me, my ferrets, my apartment, my trying to cope and get through the bad spell.
I become depressed, frustrated, and angry. I berate my self, my body, for being sick and try to make it do what I want, try to make it WORK right, but the more I push the sicker I get. Then, finally, when I do feel better, have rested enough to satisfy my weird body requirements, I have 10 loads of wash to do, an entire apartment to scrub, desperately needed grocery shopping to do, loads of dishes to wash, ferrets to walk, relatives to visit, phone calls to make, people to catch up on.

And then, of course, after the mad flurry of trying to catch up on everything (which I never do, there just isn't enough time to do it all before I 'crash' again) after being sick, what
happens.....I do too much and end up back in bed! I know the secret is to pace myself, to try to balance my activity, but when I feel well I have a very hard time controlling my activity.
After being isolated, sick and tired I want to get out and live, I want to get ALL my chores done AND see my friends AND go for walks AND....and everything. So on it goes up and down, i'm always searching for the elusive balance of energy that will allow me to function every day at, at least, some fairly consistent level.
The quest continues....
©Allie Brosh
Pic © Allie Brosh

Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

My nightly regime

Just tires me out looking at them all. 2 large glasses of water to get them down.  I'll list what they are and for what tomorrow, to sleepy now.  Will start making regular posts again, had a bad few months. Hi to all, gentle hugs.

Things I miss: Part 1 Singing

I adored singing all my life. I sang my brothers and sisters to sleep every night with Kriss Kristofferson songs, and was often asked by my mom to sing. I sang constantly on car rides too. I was in church choir and took guitar. I had a boyfriend who played guitar and we would sing together at variety concerts, around campfires with others, etc. I adored it and was told I was a good singer. After I became ill I tried taking singing lessons to better myself voice and learn to read music. It was then I found the extent of the drain it took on me. I couldn't continue as it would leave me bedridden for days, exhausted and with severe air hunger and painful costochondritis (see below).

Now, on good days, I sing to myself as I sweep a bit or sing in the shower or car. My voice is terrible, a rusty croak, my current boyfriend puts up with it though, which is nice. I tried doing two YouTube videos awhile back of my singing “Non, Je ne regrette rien” and “The Night the Lights went out in Georgia I redid them over and over for 3 days or so, unsatisfied, and ended up bedridden and starving for oxygen for weeks. My rib cage and chest wall were severely inflamed and I was in terrible pain So, yep, definitely something I miss. What do you miss most in your restrictions due to your illness??

Air hunger is a phrase used to describe an ongoing sensation of not being able to get enough air to breathe comfortably. A person suffering from air hunger may feel the persistent need to take deep breaths or yawn in an attempt to get more oxygen into the lungs. Some feel as though they have “forgotten” how to breathe correctly, can't breathe deeply enough, and may be frightened at the prospect of not being able to breathe.
The seeming lack of oxygen can also trigger dizziness, hyperventilation, and the fear of suffering a heart attack. -Leigh Peterson


Upcoming Part 2: Dancing

Thursday, 9 May 2013

this blogger helps explain why i haven't been posting lately

This blogger is wonderful and this entry of hers helps explain why I haven't been posting lately.

At first, I'd try to explain that it's not really negativity or sadness anymore, it's more just this detached, meaningless fog where you can't feel anything about anything — even the things you love, even fun things — and you're horribly bored and lonely, but since you've lost your ability to connect with any of the things that would normally make you feel less bored and lonely, you're stuck in the boring, lonely, meaningless void without anything to distract you from how boring, lonely, and meaningless it is - Allie

Hyperbole and a Half: Depression Part Two

Saturday, 23 February 2013

Adding myself to technorati

Not a interesting post, just something i have to do to add myself to Technorati, a blog list site.  Sorry.