Tuesday, 3 February 2015

TRY TRY Again – Concurrent Disorder Program


Well, I now have an appointment for an assessment for an inpatient (3-4 weeks) program that provides graduated detox plus groups, activities, recreation, etc. every day, much more structured. I will talk to them and maybe see what that is like, sounds like they keep you pretty busy so you’re not just sitting biding your time but getting coping skills, assertiveness, relapse prevention skills.  it is a concurrent disorders program. Here is a blurb on the philosophy of concurrent disorders programs.

                Concurrent Disorders

Concurrent disorders describes a condition in which a person has both a mental illness and a substance use problem. This term is a general one and refers to a wide range of mental illnesses and addictions. For example, someone with schizophrenia who abuses cannabis has a concurrent disorder, as does an individual who suffers from chronic depression and who is also an alcoholic. Treatment approaches for each case could be quite different.   People with concurrent disorders are frequently misidentified, as diagnosis can be more difficult because one disorder can mimic another. Relapse rates for substance use are higher for people with a concurrent mental disorder, as are the chances that symptoms of mental illness will return for those with a concurrent substance use problem. Depending on the setting, prevalence rates for concurrent disorders have been found to range from 20 to 80 percent. What is known conclusively, however, is that people with mental illness have much higher rates of addiction than people in the general population. Similarly, individuals with an addiction have much higher rates of mental illness than people in the general population. One large US study found that approximately a third of people with a mental or alcohol disorder had a concurrent disorder, and half of the people with drug problems had a mental disorder. A smaller study in Edmonton, Alberta had similar findings. In this study, almost a third of mentally ill individuals also had a substance use problem, almost a third of those with alcohol dependency also had a psychiatric diagnosis, and among illicit drug users, almost half had a mental illness.3  clients have the best success when both problems are addressed at the same time, in a co-ordinated way. The treatment approach usually depends on the type and severity of the person’s problems. A person might receive psychosocial treatments (individual or group therapy) or biological treatments (medications), or often both.
Taken from CAMH

Friday, 30 January 2015

Couldn't Do It

Well, I only lasted 3 days¸ it wasn't the detoxing part it was the place itself. We had one 100 foot hallway we could walk up and down (and up and down, and up…..you get the idea), no groups or therapy, just sitting and waiting, every hour like a day. I couldn’t cope with being locked up there. So now my clinical social worker, my shrink and my Dr. are going to work together and we will do a slow detox at home. I’m just so damn happy to be out of there, wrong place, wrong time. I see my 3 people Monday so will have more news then. Thank you all for your support.

Sunday, 25 January 2015


Detox off prescription drugs and alcohol

Jan 25 2015
I am going into inpatient detox on Tuesday morning.   They say how long I stay (2 or 3 weeks) will depend on how i cope with withdrawal.  After withdrawal there is a 1 week program on keeping sober which i can attend or they might decide (we together that is) if a 28 day inpatient detox would be helpful.  I'd like to keep an up to date running commentary on my detoxification/withdrawal but we have no use of electronics of any sort, so instead i will journal daily and when I'm allowed back on line I will post these reports, 2 or 3 days worth, or even just 1 day if it was a long entry.  So keep your eyes out!!  Here is a link to all my drugs I take, some are valid medical prescriptions, the ones I abuse and need to detox off of are: K-pins (clonazepam), Serax, Baclofen, Seroquel, Flexeril, Lyrica,and Alcohol.  I was checking all the interactions on a medical site and i will definitely O.D. if i don't stop.  Wish me luck!

Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Fooling with Lyrica again

Oct. 21st 10 p.m. Tried 300 mg lyrica tonight at 8 pm.....nada. Ok, things have changed.  It's 8 am the following day and I feel drunk as a skunk - why do skunks get drunk.....from eating fermented fruit....I just pop Lyrica.  The four 75 mg pills were taken pretty much on an empty stomach.  Then I waited and waited and there was no effect. So I figured I just got lucky the first time I did them @ only 150 mg, and flew right away.  However, finally, about 11 pm they started to hit, just a nice, mellow body stone, heavy limbs, nice and relaxed, and yet strangely hyper in a calm way if that makes sense.  I wanted to clean and organize but felt no pressure to do it, more like a happy, buzzy busyness.  I spent time just fiddling around, played some solitaire, timed, on which I did awesome, every thing seemed very clear and easy, very focused on the cards.  Then I decided to try to lay down and just feel the buzz, but I couldht relax ans kept jumping up to drink tea, smoke, play more computer games.  Finally I snuggled up to my man and fell asleep.  I don't remember my dreams, which is unusual, as they are normally vivid and I wake knowing what I dreamed.  Oct.  22nd I woke at 7  am and felt very, very stoned, light headed, giggly, kinda staggering and talking slurry.  I went for a walk in the woods and ended up staggering around just like I was drunk, singing and humming and talking to myself out loud.  Now it's near 8:30a.m. and I just feel nice, sleepy, a bit woozy, coming down now I'm    sure.  No desire to eat,  just to drink coffee and smoke and play on the computer more till I get to sleepy to function, then I'm hoping for a nice long sleep with cool dreams.  Next time I will take the pills early in the evening, maybe around 5 pm, so I can enjoy the full trip without sleeping. PS I also had a 0.5 mg clonazepam at 4 pm, don't know if this affected my high or not.12pm - wow, still stoned, getting a headache, still hyper.4pm exhausted now, getting a bad headache, been on computer since noon.8pm stone gone, nauseaOct. 23rd 12 a.m.  OMG - migraine - never again...right?Oct

Thursday, 2 October 2014

Lovely, lovely Lyrica

So, does anyone else out there get wasted off Lyrica? A very strange side effect! My Dr. prescribed one 75mg twice a day. I was hesitant to take them and they sat in my drawer unused for months. They're for my fibromyalgia pain but also for generalised anxiety disorder. Anyway, I took one yesterday morning and started feeling kinda floaty and dizzy but in a good way. I felt happy and kinda energised. Later, I took my second pill and that's when I started to fly. I was kinda stumbly and slurry but also felt blissful, at peace, like everything was right in the world and I loved everything. I also got starving and ate cheese and milk, I craved them highly, and I'm not supposed to eat them. I also smoked a lot and couldn't sleep, felt kinda hypo manic. So, now I don't know if I should be taking these things on a daily basis, this seems a powerful drug. I can't walk around stoned all the time. Any one else experience this? Does this go away after a bit. Having a day without anxiety sure felt wonderful, its been a long while I felt so good. Comments please,thanks.

Monday, 15 September 2014

Withdrawal part 2

Still fiddling with my psych meds.  I've tried dropping Seroquel to 75 mg from 100 mg a few times now but my anxiety, irritability, panic were too bad.  My dad is ill and quite disabled and I'm trying to help my mom care for him and it's getting very stressful. I've decided I'm going to increase my clonazepam to 0.5mg 3x a day, which is double what I'm on now, but still half of what I was on. I kinda hate to do that because I've been working so dam hard to wean myself off this stuff, but I'm just too stressed.  I will drop it again and eventually go off it entirely when things calm down a bit. 
Then, with the boosted clonazepam, I plan to drop the seroquel to 50 mg, 25 at noon, 25 mg at night, and see if my nerves are ok that way. Then I will try no seroquel, just clonazepam.  If I find I still need a mood stabilizer,  I am going to talk to my Dr. about switching over to topimax. It's an anti-seizure drug that also acts as a mood stabilizer, and unlike Seroquel, most people lose weight while on it, not pack on 35 lbs like most people do on seroquel. I'm eating sugar non stop on this drug, as if I wasn't bad enough to begin with.
So, I'm going to play around a bit and hope I don't totally fuck myself up. Wish me luck and please let me know if you have any experience with topimax. Thanks.

Monday, 28 July 2014

Psychiatric drug withdrawal

as I get older, more things grate on my nerves, I don't know why. I feel like becoming a hermit.

Some of it may have to do with me and my Dr. weaning me off all these stupid psych. drugs I've been on, clonazepam for 5 years, seroquel for 3?  These drugs actually change your brain and how it works, and when you come off them you get rebound symptoms of why they put you on them in the first place but 5x worse.  That's why I can only drop 1/4 tablet (0.25 mg) a month of the clonazepam.  I started at 3 mg, and am now down to 0.75 mg, so that's good but I do get a lot of rebound anxiety. The other drug (quetiapine/seroquel) for mood swings/agitation/racing thoughts, I have reduced from 300 mg at the start of March to 100 mg.  Unfortunately, it's going off the last bits of these drugs that causes the worse withdrawal symptoms.  I don't care, I just want off them.  But it is making me kind of crazy : (

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

My supplements

These are to try to give me more energy and make up for deficiencies, keep free radicals in check by being antioxidants, keep my insides moving, and make up for poor eating habits. I'd love to hear if there is anything you take that you find helpful.

Probiotic 30 billion cells x1/day
Magnesium Oxide 400 mg x2/day
B12 1000mcg x2/day
Vit D 1000 IU x 3/day
Greens + Multi 1 scoop daily (excellent source of vit A)
Bodylogix Woman's Protien/Fibre powder 1 scoop/daily (helps me meet my protien/fibre goals)
Vit B50 x1/day
Vit C 500 mg 4-2x/day
Coenzyme Q 200 mg x1/day
Zinc 25 mg x1/day
Sea-Sel-200 Trace Mineral x1/day (mostly selenium)
Ecological Formulas Tri-salts (keep pH balanced and is an anti-drug) 1/2 tsp x2/day
Ultra Fibre 3 tabs/daily
Ca/Vit D chews x2/day (600mg Ca/400IU)
FeraMAX 150 Iron tab x1/week
Potassium Chloride/Gluconate 1/2 tsp (1200mg) daily
Krill Oil 1gram x1/day
Cranberry concentrate 1x/day (prevent bladder infections to which I'm prone)
Manganese 50 mcg (for prescription drug detoxification)
Psyllium (for bowels) 1 tbsp daily
Vita-Vim multi vitamin

This is just what has been suggested to me by various doctors, do not take anything without a doctor's or nutritionists advice. I do not endorse or promote any particular named brands.

Monday, 10 June 2013

Being Sick Sucks Pt. 2

When I feel well vs when I feel sick - two totally opposite polarities in my life. When I feel well, I wake up in the morning feeling bright and raring to go, can't wait to start my day, get at those chores, get outside, call people, participate in life. I can get up, take a shower, wash my dishes, pop in a wash of clothes and go for a nice walk, and feel like a 'normal person', a part of the human world, society. I'm energetic, happy, friendly,bubbling over with the joy of living. I'm interested in everything,I want to do everything, go everywhere, see everyone, just experience life to its fullest.

Unfortunately, this all leads to a lot of running around, staying out too late, doing too much, and then, Wham, the CFS catches up to me. Then I become very weak,extremely fatigued. It becomes a chore to even roll out of bed, by body feeling weighted, achy and sore, my mind cloudy, confused,dim. I sleep for 20 hours at a time, taking all my energy to haul my self to the washroom and back.
Some days I'm able to sit up and read a few hours before collapsing back into oblivion for another 20 hours, other days, I sleep round the clock, like being in a coma, barely conscious of anything around me. I can barely talk, it's hard to get the words out of my mouth, my brain just won't construct a proper sentence and it takes too much energy to move my mouth. Eating falls by the wayside, as do, of course any chores. Dishes pile up, laundry doesn't get done, dust and dirt collect, I run out of milk, egg, bread, juice.

The ferrets get bored and frustrated and wonder where their mother is. This can go on for quite some time, the longest being 3 weeks. Sometimes it's only a day or two. Depending
on my stamina I can be up and going well a day or two, down a day or two, or go quite well for several weeks and be down several weeks. It fluctuates like mad.. When I'm down and out, my whole world shrinks. It becomes just me, my ferrets, my apartment, my trying to cope and get through the bad spell.
I become depressed, frustrated, and angry. I berate my self, my body, for being sick and try to make it do what I want, try to make it WORK right, but the more I push the sicker I get. Then, finally, when I do feel better, have rested enough to satisfy my weird body requirements, I have 10 loads of wash to do, an entire apartment to scrub, desperately needed grocery shopping to do, loads of dishes to wash, ferrets to walk, relatives to visit, phone calls to make, people to catch up on.
And then, of course, after the mad flurry of trying to catch up on everything (which I never do, there just isn't enough time to do it all before I 'crash' again) after being sick, what
happens.....I do too much and end up back in bed! I know the secret is to pace myself, to try to balance my activity, but when I feel well I have a very hard time controlling my activity.
After being isolated, sick and tired I want to get out and live, I want to get ALL my chores done AND see my friends AND go for walks AND....and everything. So on it goes up and down, i'm always searching for the elusive balance of energy that will allow me to function every day at, at least, some fairly consistent level.
The quest continues....

Pic © Allie Brosh